Dynamite boyz

Sin City
Pattaya is Thailand's sin city. It's famous for that. Sin, depravity, ladyboys, strip bars, "live shows" and anything else you can think of or are willing to pay for. I wasn't interested in all that, though I didn't mind seeing it once. I had come down to meet an internet friend who happened to live there. I took the 2 hour 10 dollar minivan ride down from Bangkok after spending a week there. I was surprised that hordes of hawkers didn't descend on me as I emerged from the van, backpack and front-pack-laden.
In fact I was counting on them. Where were they? How was I supposed to know where to go? I looked up and down the street. I didn't see any lodging. These bags were way too heavy; not meant for long distance traveling. I asked the first foreigners where the cheap rooms were. They said there weren't any here. I started to panic. In Bangkok I paid 200 baht ($6.30) for a room a night. I was definitely a low-budget kind of traveler. The first place I stopped was 1,200 baht and it looked like a regular hotel room. Noooooooo. I kept walking and finally found a cheap looking room but it was still 800. I was getting tired. My shoulders were aching. I started to consider that I might have to accept a more expensive room. Damn. I turned down another side street and saw a sign with an Indian name. I decided to try it. She said 400 baht. I had to take it. I could walk no further. I noticed that the entrance was shared with a place called Dynamite Boys, but I was too tired to think about it, I just wanted those weights off my back. The room wasn't bad, it even had a refrigerator, air conditioning, and hot water. I rested awhile and then went out to eat something. As I stepped out, I looked around. Not only was there Dynamite Boys, but X-Men, David (with a big statue of David out front), Dream Boyz and Scream Baby. I had landed in the gay part of Pattaya, which was ok, I'm not prejudiced, but then again I didn't really feel like getting approached by aggressive bar workers and male prostitutes who might just assume that as a single guy I was where I wanted to be and was maybe just being passive.
"Hey handsome!" I heard as I walked down the steps.
"Hi. I like girls."
" We like you" one shirtless young man assured me. "See you later", he said brushing my arm. Shit. I hoped not.
I met my friend who brought her friend, and the 3 of us had a good time drinking coffee, eating a Japanese style dinner of nabe (boiling water on the table that you keep adding stuff to), and then walking around the famous "Walking Street". That's a pedestrian zone packed with strip bars, Thai boxing bars, sex shoes, you name it. I was prepared for the worst, but I was pleasantly surprised. Most of the "girly bars" had themes and they were funny or cute. Like stewardess bar, middle school bar, cowgirl bars. They all had costumes and I thought it was quite well done. I didn't go in any. For one thing it was probably so expensive, maybe 10 dollars a drink. For another, why would I want to watch a sex show and get all excited, and then be left to my own um......devices. I'd rather not get all horny unless I was with my girlfriend, thank you. That's like drinking a lot of saltwater before heading out into the desert. Of course there were a lot of prostitutes around, but I am afraid of diseases and truthfully most of them just aren't attractive to me in appearance or character.
Other than drinking and sex, there wasn't a whole lot going on in Pattaya. There was a beach kind of, it was about 5 meters wide and packed almost completely with lawn chairs that the locals rented for 80 baht for 30 minutes. Along the sidewalk in front of the beach there was a steady stream of people from all walks and regions of the world. There were a lot of military types. Pattaya started out as a recreation destination for soldiers during the Vietnam war, and it maintained that character heavily to this day. Lots of bars and tattoo parlors. Lots of nasty looking Russians and scowling Iranians walking around. Tons of sad looking older men, one stumble from a nursing home, many of them with Thai girls 30 years their juniors. Their bellies were sights to behold, Henri Moore in action. Germans, Italians, French, the whole world was here. There was one old Russian guy with a telescope and he was selling looks at the moon for 10 baht (33 cents). He was a professional retired astronomer and loved sharing his passion. We all looked at the moon. "If you come out at 2 am you can see the rings of Saturn!!!!," he promised.
My friends had to get up early to go to work, so they announced they had to go at 10:30 pm. I begged them to walk me home. They laughed at me but agreed. Getting back to the steps, the "boys" sited me. " We've been waiting for you". they sang out approaching fast.I grabbed my friend's arm. "Sorry I like real girls" they stopped in their tracks like the Coyote might do in the Roadrunner cartoon and showed exaggerated disappointment. "oh you heart breaker. Well we'll be here if you change your mind." I asked my friends to walk me up the 2 flights to my room, past the other first floor club. They did so laughing. I was determined not to go out again. I'd had enough for one night, though seeing Saturn sounded pretty good.
As I feared my room was like being inside a disco. There was the thump thump thumping from the club underneath me, and then another stranger sound from a karaoke club next door. I felt like I had arrived at the gates of Hell. The fact that I fell asleep was a testament to how tired I have been. There was no escaping it though,I had the strangest and most vivid dreams. In my dream I was me with my normal heterosexual orientation but I was in a room alone with a famous gay comedian. And though I knew I wasn't gay in the dream, I acted like I was, my shirt was open, and I kept touching his leg and sat on the bed with him. I woke up at 1:30, unsettled and disturbed. The disco had stopped but the karaoke continued. That was perhaps even worse. They were terrible and the distorted sounds that came to me made it even worse. I felt like I was on some kind of bad trip. Braving the gauntlet of hawkers didn't seem as bad as staying in the room at that moment, and there was Saturn to think of. I got ready to go, and fairly ran down the steps. By the time they saw me, I was halfway down the block and I was able to ignored their calls. I walked up and down the beach walk,but the astronomer wasn't there. Most of the prostates that lined the way, posing in their tacky dresses were gone, maybe they had reached their quota of 500 baht "jobs" or maybe they had gotten a 1000 baht all-nighter.I guess I wouldn't see the rings tonight. I bought a small bag of fresh pineapple and papaya (10 baht each) and sat on the stoop and watched the world go by. It was 2:30 am now and things were starting to slow down. I looked up and imagined Saturn up there, and all the other stars and places we couldn't even see. Maybe someone up there was looking down on us right at that moment. I wonder if they could imagine all the crazy complexity of our world. I felt pretty content to be where I was. For a moment I felt like right where I was, was the center of the universe. Of course I had to still make it back to my room, and hope the terrible sound would stop and allow me to slip in to unconsciousness, but for the moment, the pineapple and papaya tasted pretty good.